Not Waving but Drowning
Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.
Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.
Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.
Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.
Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.
Stevie Smith
 | ||
| Not Waving, 22 x 22, acrylic on BFK |
Vividly, I recall how the early morning fishermen looked on as I struggled in the cold water. The dock was too high to reach without kicking my feet hard to propel myself up and reach my hands onto the boards. But, with water at about 50 degrees, the cold leached my strength at an alarming rate. I felt my limbs grow numb and weak as my core demanded my heat. Holding on to the dock was too difficult. The ladder was disabled. The fishermen looked at me, in the cold water, and watched.
Four years after that experience, I still think about it. I almost drowned. Without the help of my friend, Angie, and the Coast Guard and other emergency services in Bremerton, I would have died. But, I survived. And I can safely let those memories and my thoughts about the experience rise up for consideration.
Today, I am thinking about how the fishermen were spectators to my struggle, but were in no way involved in helping me. I wonder if we are becoming more and more comfortable with spectating and less and less involved in what is real and meaningful. Watching life instead of doing. Maybe we get too much practice watching (television, sports, games, movies, computers) and not enough practice doing.
I love to swim and my experience did not dampen that love. This year, though, I have signed up to take swimming lessons to become a better swimmer. The classes will focus on perfecting my form on various strokes. In the comfort of a pool heated to 80 degrees! I want to face boating season as an even stronger swimmer. And, I hope I won't ever need it!
1 comment:
Oh yes, those things which we survive are what we are.
Remarkable painting, Katherine. Very beautiful but also a little ominous.
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