K.Kollwitz, self portraitI had to really coach myself before going in to the museum. Four hours. I gave myself FOUR HOURS. And I determined to not impose any order on my visit. None at all. No listening to the organizing part of my brain that would take me through every exhibit, down every hall, past every painting.
That kind of museum visit may be thorough, but it leaves me dull-eyed.
No. This time would be different! This time I would follow only what interested me. I would get lost. I would be completely inefficient and loop over my steps many times if that is what it took.
If that is what it took to just follow things to the parts I NEEDED to see. The parts that reached out and grabbed me by my guts.
And that is how I ended up standing in front of the Kollwitz self-portrait.
The honesty and blatant emotion grabbed me, by my guts if you will allow, and made me stop. And look. And consider all of things I considered. About life having raveled edges. About how I do not need to be orderly or even neaten things up. About just being. Being my genuine ragged-edged self.
I'm sure that there are times when I do not notice the subtle pressures to conform to something that may be comfortable but not genuine. It is difficult to put this into words.
I think I am on to something. I can hardly wait to go back to the museum and try it again with this mindset.
This clip from the movie "Dead Poets Society" illustrates this very idea.
